What to Expect with Expectations?

Lately, I have been the source of some frustrations in my close circle and I have been a sound board for venting and frustrations (which I am happy to be). After stepping back and thinking about all of the circumstances, I have come to the conclusion that expectations just suck and are truly, are difficult to understand and put into practice.

The psychology of expectations is easy enough to understand, but difficult to actually put into practice. Did you know that adults still believe in a term called magical thinking – or rather expecting something to happen will make it happen? Sounds strange, right? Think about it. Have you ever prayed for something to happen or wished for something to happen and then had the expectations that it would happen because you thought about it? It may sound delusional, but we all do it. If you think about it in a practical way – you can’t just stare at a cup of coffee and expect it to brew itself because you have expectations of coffee in the morning – you need to put the work into it.

And that is what it is like with people too. I have seen this with leadership in organizations and relationships with friends and family – you expect a person to behave a certain way because you thought they should. And what happens when they don’t live up to those expectations? You feel shocked, resentful or morally indignant. Let’s think about it in terms of a question – what gives you the power to expect others will merely behave the way you want them to behave? What entitles you to feel angry when they fail to meet those expectations?

Truly think about it for a minute. Have you ever felt like someone wasn’t living up to your expectations on how they are supposed to act and behave? Now read that statement again – how self-centered does that sound?

"By learning to not expect people to know what I want and need, I’ve learned to be much clearer in my communication. I don’t expect my husband to know why I’m pouting; I try to tell him why I’m upset." – Dawn Sinnott

It may be unrealistic to clearly communicate everything in your life. You may have to set certain, “always on” expectations – I expect you to give me a kiss in the morning, for example. But clear communication is key to any relationship free of resentment and selfishness.

My challenge for you today is for 24 hours be very clear on your expectations towards your friends, family and significant others. If you want them to call you, leave you alone, or tell you that you are beautiful – be very clear in what you expect from them during that time. I promise your life will change.